I’m sitting in ICU watching my mom sleep soundly for the first time in days. With her WBC still at 0.0, we are in a critical time with this cancer battle. The last 48 hours have tested my faith like nothing I’ve ever experienced before, especially last night as mom’s decline worsened hourly. I wish I could tell you that I was strong through it all but I wasn’t…watching a loved one close to the brink of eternity shakes me to the core especially when that loved one has been for me the person I’ve leaned on more than anyone else throughout my entire life.
Glancing up at a monitor, I read beautiful numbers 100/54 and 98, up from last night when they were 67/33 and 52. Who knew readings for blood pressure and heart rate could make time seem to stand still? In what I consider the most painful night I’ve ever endured, helpless to change abhorrent side effects of chemo treatments for multiple myeloma wreaking havoc on my dear mother, I cried out to God and reached out to friends through quick texts, pleading for prayer. At all kinds of unholy hours, you relinquished sleep to intercede for us and replies poured in…
“the Lord your God is with YOU, Di…He is with your mother as well…He is mighty to save”
“His love is unshakable, though the mountains be moved to the sea, His love cannot fail…”
“PRAYING!!!”
“Even as much as I love you, God loves you infinitely more. Trust Him.”
“Nothing is out of His control. Use the wisdom and discernment He gives you minute by minute and trust Him for the rest.”
“Thou will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee.”
“You have the mind of Christ. His power is made perfect in weakness. Clothe yourself in Him now and stay there. There are angels ministering to you and your mom.”
“Do not fear for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you by My Righteous Right Hand.”
If “faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God”, then surely God was speaking through His precious saints last night & today to strengthen my faith. His Word and your prayers {and someone willing to take my frantic call at 3:40 a.m.} carried me through 40 hours with only 90 minutes of sleep. We feel your love, support & prayers. We are profoundly grateful.
Livin4Jesus 
I am praying for many hours of rich, fulfilling sleep for your dear mother and a beautiful sense of peace, to be awakened in the morning, feeling better each day than the day before. God bless her and you.
God loves you both dearly. His will is perfect… this I know. Thank you Lord.
May the grace of the Lord be with you during this time; I found this prayer on-line:
Almighty and merciful Father, by the power of your command, drive away from me all forms of sickness and disease. Restore strength to my body and joy to my spirit, so that in my renewed health, I may bless and serve you, now and forevermore.
God bless both of you
with his healing love,
DHO
Am praying for you. Love you,
Jehovah is our Strength,
And He shall be our Song
We shall o’ercome at length
Although our foes be strong.
In vain does Satan then oppose,
For God is stronger than His foes.
The Lord our Refuge is
And ever will remain;
Since He has made us His
He will our cause maintain.
In vain our enemies oppose,
For God is stronger than His foes.
The Lord our Shepherd is;
He knows our every need,
And since we now are His,
His care our souls will feed.
In vain do sin and death oppose,
For God is stronger than His foes.
Our God our Father is;
Our names are on His heart;
We ever will be His,
He ne’er from us will part.
In vain the mightiest powers oppose,
For God is stronger than His foes.
Scoti,
I think I know you well enough to know that if someone else had written this poem, you would have given them a by line. Did you write this? It’s so beautiful. THANK YOU for sharing it with me!
Missing our chats! Love you much!
di
Dearest Di, It’s an old hymn written in 1851. It wasn’t one of the “top 40” that made it into the modern praise hymnals. One of the things I appreciate about my rich Methodist heritage were the old hymns we sang. I love the words of this hymn and the rich truths and theology about who God is for us when circumstances exhaust our emotional, spiritual and physical strength. I was hoping the words would encourage you. When I’m at my lowest, I cling to who God says He is and His promises. Your name and your mom’s name are on God’s heart. Hugs, Scoti
Di,
He is faithful in all. May He who loves you and your mom more than any other give you both restful and healing sleep. Still praying.
Love,
Marti
DiAnna, I continue to think of you and your sweet mother. May there be calm in you as the storm rages in your circumstances. Praying for total and complete healing!
Dear, dear Di, Reading your vivid description of your time spent in ICU takes me back to the night my bride passed. Years later I still recall this Scripture you shared before we prayed for her transition from this life to be smooth and for His Holy Name to be glorified. “The path of the righteous is level. O upright one, you make the way of the righteous smooth. Yes Lord, walking in your ways, we wait for you. Your name and renown are the desires of our hearts. My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you.” Isaiah 26:8-9
You waited with me on the Lord to carry her home that night and wept with me in the months that followed. It’s been my honor to know you and grow to love you and now to pray fervently for you as you have for me so many times.
Your heart was shaken that night with your mom but your faith wasn’t. You are an amazing testimony of God’s strength made perfect in weakness. I still have our texts in my phone. “Even as much as I love you, God loves you infinitely more. Trust Him.” You trusted Him and found Him all around. You are beautiful.
Much love, Bruce