Tag: Abba

There’s Gonna Be a Wedding!

Attending a 4 day conference focusing almost entirely on romance was a shock to my system.  Like drinking water from a fire hose…that’s how I describe my experiences and emotions in the CAPTIVATING retreat.   

I know enough about God to unequivocally profess His love for me even in painful circumstances where I completely lack understanding.   I don’t doubt God or His presence as he carried me through some of the most excruciating journeys a human being could ever experience.  God’s love has never been in question for me.   Frankly, my doubts centered in the value of romantic love.  Pain from human relationships abated my desire for romance. 

My mindset venturing into the CAPTIVATING retreat dissuaded me.  ‘Romance feels too much like chasing a fantasy.’  It felt that way because that’s how it presents for most of us, a very elusive dream.  I raised the white flag, surrendering to the conclusion my desires for romance must be taken captive and imprisoned.

I reasoned love can take many forms.  I love Christ and He has given me compassion & a heart to serve His daughters.  I could devote my life continuing to serve in women’s ministries and find deep fulfillment therein.  Too, I have many meaningful platonic friendships with men.  I convinced myself that is enough, I can live without romance.  Mine was a noble and practical pursuit.  Love God, serve His children, be a good friend, forgo silly romantic notions.

But there stood Stasi Eldredge systematically…and Biblically…unraveling my commitment to live a life without romance.  Her words pierced me to the core.  “You were created for romance.  In fact, your deepest desires… to be pursued, fought for, cherished above all others…are where you bear the image of God.”   

My deepest desires are where I bear the image of God?  God desires romance?  What a foreign concept.

All my life I’ve heard and believed God loves me.  While a stretch for some people to grasp, it isn’t for me.  I have experienced the love of God much as I felt the love of my Daddy when I was a child.  I embrace the concept of Abba/Daddy, crawling up on his lap, pouring out my heart to Him and listening for His wise counsel.   I cherish my times alone with Abba.  I treasure Scriptures declaring my standing as a child of God.

The message of CAPTIVATING pulled me in a completely different direction.  This speaker challenged me to believe God loves me with a deep romantic love.  She even invoked Scriptures to back it up, ones I’d heard many times about being created in God’s image and God giving me the desires of my heart, i.e., putting desires into my heart.  {Genesis 1:27; Psalm 37:4}

For as long as I can remember I declined putting too much emphasis on romance.  I’m too practical to believe “Love conquers all.”  I know first-hand how much work relationships take and even then, heartache and pain always factor into the equation.

To expect any man to provide a font of endless romance is unrealistic and unfair to men.   For that very reason, I purposefully renounced chick flicks years ago.  All those Hollywood scenes of impure fantasy stirred up longings impossible for a mere mortal to fulfill.

 If I wasn’t in a relationship with a man, watching Jack & Rose in Titanic created longings for something out of reach.  Ensuing dissatisfaction disgruntled me and my prayer life became one on-going gripe session…  “God, when are you going to bring me a nice man?  Don’t you realize how long I’ve waited?  Do you care that I am bearing all life’s burdens alone or that I have no one to share life’s Joys with?”  

If I was in a relationship, scenes from The Notebook rendered me frustrated.  My man didn’t devote every ounce of his being to me like Noah did for his beloved Allie.  Guess who I took that frustration out on??

I can’t adequately articulate the significance of the moment God’s romance candle first flickered inside my heart.  I realized if my heart bears the image of God’s heart, it must be true…He too, longs for romance as much or more than I do.  AND if GOD is the One who put the desire for romance in my heart, He would never give a desire which endlessly frustrates me or offers no possibility of being fulfilled.  Only a cruel God would do such a thing.  I have walked with the Lord long enough to know He could never be cruel. 

The missing link…

In the course of the CAPTIVATING retreat I felt the Holy Spirit telling me my desires are not wrong but where I go to with those desires continually causes me pain and grief.  How many times have I taken my longings to a false lover?  All the years following the dissolution of my marriage, I carried secret pride in managing to remain pure in my body.  Yet purity of heart escaped me.  I peddled my hungering for love and acceptance, my longings to be delighted in, to men who could never meet those deep desires of my soul. 

For days the speaker communicated romance was God’s idea.  All things I consider romantic…flowers, moonlight, sweet fragrances, soft music, a gentle kiss, the sound of ocean waves or a waterfall, the sight of twinkling stars…those were created by God.  Romance was not only God’s idea, it is His constant gift all around me! 

For years my Lord patiently waited, wooing me while I embraced a fantasy.  He pursued me with fields of wild flowers, love songs of birds outside my window greeting my mornings, romantic whispers of ocean waves, moonlight and gentle rain to caress my skin, breezes to tenderly kiss my face, aspen leaves wildly applauding my presence, glorious sunsets across a breath-taking mountainous landscape and diamonds in the night sky beckoning me to choose one for my engagement ring from the Creator of the universe!

 In all of creation, God continually shouts, “I LOVE YOU! YOU HAVE CAPTIVATED MY HEART!”

In designing me in His image, He crafted a heart longing to be romanced, pursued, fought for and cherished. He created me with desires for deep intimacy. He would not gift me intense desires without a means to fulfill them.  Jesus Christ was…and is…that fulfillment.  He is not only the Author of my love story, He is the Hero.  God is a Hopeless Romantic.   Even more amazing, He DESIRES ME.  He is the Lover of my Soul.  

Though precious the title “child of God”, my Creator did not stop there.  In a mystery unexplainable in human words, God declares I am His BELOVED BRIDE. 

“You shall be called by a new name which the Lord shall pronounce with His own lips.  You will be a glorious crown in the Lord’s hands.” ~ Isaiah 62:2

“The Lord has acknowledged you as wife, once deserted and heart-broken, Your God Has Called You BRIDE…” ~Isaiah 54:6

“Let me rejoice in the Lord with all my heart…He has robed me in salvation as a garment and clothed me in integrity as a cloak…like a BRIDE decked in her jewels…” ~Isaiah 61: 10

“For as a young man weds a maiden, so shall you wed Him who rebuilds you and your God shall rejoice over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his Bride.” ~Isaiah 62:5

In the words of Tim Reimherr in his song, More Than Ashes, “There’s gonna be a wedding.  It’s the reason I am living, to marry the Lamb…”

additional info/recommended reading/listening http://www.crazylovebook.com/videos_chapter.html 

No, Daddy: A Lesson in Obedience

Barefoot.  Blithe.  Basking.  Free spirits like mine thrive on beaches.  Sand and shore are God’s invitation to run and play, to wander aimlessly and explore, to drink in the splendor of a sunrise or sunset, peaceful and serene.  Well, almost peaceful.

A little boy appearing 2-3 years old raced up and down the shoreline just out of reach of pounding waves as he loudly snapped, “No, Daddy!”  Every effort of the father to grab his hand was slapped away.  When finally the father did get hold of a hand the child plopped down on his bottom in the sand, refusing to budge.  Another loud, “NO, Daddy!”  The father maintained his grip and pointed down shore.  “This way, son,” he said sternly.  Immediately, the toddler fell flat on his back, screaming, pounding fists and flailing legs, kicking up a cloud of sand.  After a few minutes of mayhem the child lay silent and still, red-faced and spent.  Dad crouched down beside him to talk. 

In a burst of amplified rebellion the boy pounced to his feet and darted straight for the ocean.  The father quickly followed with not even a hint of surprise on his face.  A willfully disobedient child pushing the limits of defiance and danger didn’t catch him off guard.  He’d witnessed this behavior before, probably many times.  Unaware of the danger, the boy catapulted his body into oncoming waves.

The father scooped up his soaked, screaming son out of a torrent of frigid water, hugged the trembling tot tightly to his body, returned him to safety and wrapped him in a beach towel.  As the boy gasped for breath, I heard the father calmly declare, “Enough, son.  I love you but you have to stay close to me and obey me or there will be serious consequences.”

There were people on the beach oblivious to the child’s belligerence and probably others who might have cheered a hard butt-dusting for the toddler.  {I’ll leave it to your imagination which category I fell into.}   I marveled as this little ball of defiance melted into the arms cradling him to keep him warm and safe.  I marveled even more at the father’s great restraint and wisdom.  He knew exactly what the frightened child needed in that moment.  Despite what incredulous onlookers might have applauded, the father offered patience and mercy.

My heart ached as I realized how many times as a grown woman I have acted the part of a defiant toddler.  To be sure, my rebellion is much more sophisticated than that of a tiny tot, but the heart posture is the same.  I may even appear calm on the outside, but inside I can be kicking, whining and demanding.  How many times when God clearly pointed the way, have I responded with, “No, Daddy.”?

Taking the stance, “I want what I want and I want it YESTERDAY!” I’ve chased the wind and wandered dangerously close to treacherous waters.  On at least a couple of occasions I felt my Father’s hand rescue me from raging currents positioned to lap me up and pull me under. 

In the midst of my rebellion my heavenly Daddy exercises patience and demonstrates divine mercy.  He blankets me in his love, gripping me tightly and he will not let me go.   His warning is calm yet clear, if I don’t remain close to him, there could be serious consequences.

 Today my Abba/Daddy reminds me that it is not enough to appreciate his long-suffering, not even sufficient to love him for his protection and be grateful for his mercy.  The Father expects his children to obey.  He knows what is best for us.  He points the way and holds our hand but He will not drag us against our will kicking and screaming.  It is our free will to behave like toddlers and refuse his divine direction.  But oh, how much we will miss in doing so.

The prophet Nehemiah proclaimed:

“Oh Lord, God of heaven, you are a great and mighty God who faithfully keeps covenant with those who LOVE thee and OBEY thy commandments…” Nehemiah 1:5

Three principles jump out at me in this Scripture: 

~Love and obedience go hand in hand. 

~God is great and mighty.  By His sheer might He could coerce his children to obey but He doesn’t. Instead he offers us free will.

~God’s favor rests on those who choose to love & obey.  He is faithful to keep covenant with those who engage in loving obedience.

Our heavenly Daddy is not intent on crushing the free spirit in us.  On the contrary, He delights in bare feet and a blithe disposition.  Yet He loves us enough not to allow us to run amuck in the face of spiritual peril.   What’s more, He longs to bestow blessings and favor upon us when we heed his voice and obey his commands.  Wow.  Now there’s something we can bask in.

Breaking In, Breaking Through

Author’s Note:  This is a lengthy, uncommon post topic for me.  But it is a true story.  I have been asked to write my story for possible publication in a woman’s magazine.  This is my “rough draft” and I would treasure feedback from anyone who has a comment.  Thank You, dear friends. ~di

Living alone had never been an issue for me.  I was never one of those women fearful to walk through a dark house by myself.  Was it because I was young and foolish, thinking as many 20-somethings that I was invincible?  Was it the false sense of security those few months of karate lessons had given me?  Or maybe it was the cool piece of steel in the form of a .38 snub nose kept loaded under a pillow next to me every night.  Perhaps, it was a combination of all these. More likely at the heart of it was a naiveté  assuring me, “I am a child of God.  No harm can befall me.”

 

I had no idea someone had been watching me for several weeks.  Oblivious to my stalker audience, I went about my business immune to the threat that awaited me.  The August night I heard noises outside my open window, I was startled but not genuinely frightened.  Anyone who could read the “Neighborhood Watch” sign in my front yard had to know not to mess with me, right?  Pistol in hand, I moved from room to room.  I must have looked ridiculous peering out a few windows, checking the landscape for evidence of intruders.  Unbeknownst to me, the spy was crawling in my kitchen window.  I returned my pistol to its rightful position under the pillow and disappeared into the bathroom to remove my contacts before heading back to bed.  As I emerged from the bathroom, I came face to face with a man I had never seen before and the consequences of his life of pent up rage.

 

On the night before my 3rd spiritual birthday, I became a rape statistic.  I’ve since learned that one in four women will become the victim of sexual assault in her lifetime.  I’ve also learned a few other things…things such as what it’s like to experience the agony of living in a fallen world, what the Bible says about tribulation in this world… “in this world you WILL have tribulation, but I have overcome the world” {John 6:33}and I learned how God expects us to respond to those who wound us deeply.

 

Even as a fairly new Christian, I recognized the importance of memorizing Scripture.  Some friends and I had challenged one another to memorize all of Romans Chapter 8.  That summer night after my miraculous escape from my offender I asked everyone I encountered, “Do you know my Jesus?  Do you know that He says ‘all things work together for good to those who love Him’?”  I’m sure I was in shock but I still recall the strange looks I received from ambulance driver to police officer to emergency room physician to the pastor on call at my mega church as I recited Romans 8:28 over & over to anyone who would listen.  I had no idea the impact those words would render in my own life as a result of that traumatic encounter.  I only knew that I was alive after having my own gun wrestled away from me and held to my head.  Unquestionably, God had a purpose in sparing my life.  Surely, he would work this nightmare for my good.

 

In the weeks following that horrible incident, I lost sight of the promise of Romans 8:28.  Days, weeks, months of Godly counseling passed before the prayers of loving family and friends prevailed and I received the peace of that promise. Ultimately, I realized that Abba, my Daddy God, was faithful.   I regained the courage, albeit slowly, to face the world again.  Painfully, I submitted the reality of my experience into His loving hands as I acknowledged that my suffering, though not God’s choice for my life was part of God’s plan.  In the process, He began to work it for my good, just as He had promised.  As surely as the criminal had broken into my home, God was breaking through the bitterness of my stubborn heart.

 

It didn’t happen overnight but eventually I was able to forgive my attacker.  I realized that unforgiveness against another is like ingesting poison and expecting the other person to die.  I knew I had to surrender my assailant to the God who said, “vengeance is mine” though truthfully, I wasn’t gentle in asking God to deal with him on my behalf.  It took much struggling for me to recognize before my salvation through Christ I was as much a condemned sinner as this man was.  Only then, in light of Christ’s mercy for me could I ask the Holy Spirit to convict this criminal of his sin and rescue his soul.

 

Several years passed.  One summer afternoon I found myself standing in a State Penitentiary Chapel before a crowd of felons, a rough group of sex offenders, child abusers, robbers and murderers.  I was there to share the Truth of the Word of God, that ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God and ALL of us were in need of redemption.  Sharing John 3:16, I spoke of the sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross to redeem us and of the forgiveness belonging to “whosoever believes in Him”.

 

My testimony concluded in a blur, but I recall leading the crowd in a prayer of repentance.  Then, one by one, men in prison jumpsuits filed past me and were allowed to speak briefly to me.  Not all the comments were kind and I was grateful for guards posted on each side of me.  But that day I saw in the eyes of a few their repentant desire to know this Jesus who could forgive the unspeakable sins which led them to this place.

 

It was the grace of God holding me there as each prisoner passed by.  And it was the Spirit of God who whispered to my soul that summer afternoon… “All things work together for good to those who love the Lord, to those who are called according to His purpose.”