Test-Driving Your Relationship

Inquiring singles want to know… “How do I know if my sweetheart is the one?“

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that question, I could pay off half the Obama spending spree…okay maybe not.  Still, I can honestly say as a mentor to young women, co-director for a single’s women’s ministry and friend to many eligible ladies, this is the one question I’ve been asked more than any other.  Even many of my guy friends ask…as if some secret formula exists, a 12 step program for decoding the mystery of the one.  For heaven’s sake I’ve been single most of my adult life!  Why are you asking me?

Not far behind the question of the one, is its first cousin inquiry, “How long should I date someone before we should know?”  The obvious…and glib…answer is: “it depends on the couple”.  I have good friends who have dated for years and still they are not married.  Too, I am friends with couples who within months of meeting one another tied the knot.   In my family I have a relative who’s been seeing the same man for 13 years.  Another family member boasts he knew when he first met his lovely bride that she was the one and he was shopping for a ring after 4 months.  It’s complicated, right?

Maybe not as complicated as we make it out to be.  Recently I came across an article addressing questions 1 & 2, and much more.  “Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend” by Michael Lawrence is a call to accountability for single men but it almost as easily could have addressed single women…with a slight change in the title, of course…something like “Stop Testing Driving Your Relationship”. 

The writer suggests the Bible “does provide principles that point us in the direction of making a decision to marry or break up in the shortest appropriate time.”  Offering a comical, yet relevant comparison of long-term dating to an extended test drive, he makes some salient points about how easy it is to take advantage of your partner in a dating relationship.

In his article Michael Lawrence dispels a familiar myth about searching for the one.  He also offers insights on the difference between “settling” and commitment. 

How many times as singles have we approached our relationships with a consumer mentality and in so doing, we ask the wrong questions?  {Perhaps we even blame God when we don’t hear Him answer our questions???}  Probably the most helpful piece of the article is a list of 5 questions at the conclusion.

Rather than risk taking the writer out of context by trying to regale you with quotes, may I strongly urge you to read the entire article for yourself?  {click on link below}

 “Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend” gives practical, powerful and most importantly Biblical suggestions to help clarify your current relationship or to keep in mind for a future one.

One personal note:  some of you will read this and may feel I am picking on you specifically.  If you really know me, please trust my heart when I say, I’m not.  I care too much to purposely try to embarrass others or heap guilt on anyone.  This is shared to bring healing to relationships so we may honor Christ in them.

I recently sent a link for this article to a dear friend who has struggled for quite some time with the question of the one.  His response was one of sincere gratitude, thanking me twice in a single paragraph for having the courage to share it.  I was so touched by his heart to find a Biblical approach to answering his question and to act in a Christ-like manner to honor his long-term relationship, I felt compelled to share this with others.  If it fits your current situation, I pray you’ll benefit from it, too.  If it rings true of something regrettable in your past, I pray you’ll learn from it and give yourself grace going forward. 

Finally, I don’t do this often but in fairness to guys, I am willing to open up my blog for a “guest” post from my male friends.  I you have a counterpoint on this matter that you believe would be helpful to women, please let me hear from you.  I also welcome your comments.

For the full article, please click:  Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend