One former beauty contestant’s musings about on-line dating

For a woman seeking a man, E-harmony is a bit like being in the Miss America pageant.  It’s “supposedly” not like the Miss USA or Miss Universe Pageants where the focus is predominantly on her physical beauty—being “hot” in a swimsuit & glamorous in a gown,  able to spout something trendy about world peace & compassion a la “save the children”.  No, E-Harmony claims to be about the total package…brains, beauty, fitness, style, grace, energy, confidence and the ability to articulate intelligently.  And for elevated depth, E-Harmony throws in a spiritual component.


The female contestant astutely answers a series of interview-type questions posed by the Judges.  She shares her talents for the entertainment of the masses.  She navigates the runway of Must Haves/Can’t Stands praying she can make it to the Final Round…Open Communication…where if she is poised enough, she might still have a shot at the crown. 


Yet in the end when the Judges have made their decision she can’t help but wonder, “Did someone forget to give them the rulebook on how to score points for internal beauty, spiritual maturity, intellect?”  In consolation of loosing again to the prettier (or naughtier) girl she raises her head a little higher, squares her shoulders, & smiles bravely as an outward demonstration of great class while inside she whispers to herself “I knew all along that I didn’t stand a chance of winning.”  She tells herself that it certainly felt special being among the beautiful contestants for a while. 


When the lights are dimmed and all the excitement has faded, she turns to go.  If she’s lucky she walks away with all the elements of that “total package” still intact, even if no one else notices.  And if she’s really fortunate, she realizes that she is beautiful—even without the crown. 








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DiAnna Steele

Child of God, Follower of Jesus, Sister in Christ, Friend to the lost...

7 thoughts on “One former beauty contestant’s musings about on-line dating”

  1. Di,
    I just read this and wanted to say AMEN to your final observation. You are the most beautiful woman I am blessed to know.

    Keep holding out for God’s man. Someday your prince will come & he will be the luckiest man alive.

  2. eHarmony, Christian cafe,, Craig’s List. It doesn’t matter where you go on-line. There all the same. Online dating is no different than the bar scene. The pretty girls–blonde, blue-eyed, size 4–are the ones who get the nods. Or maybe the heavier ones do if we’re willing to dress sleazy. I’m sick of being judged by my appearance. When is someone going to look past the physical and see the heart that loves Jesus and is kind to a fault?

  3. @Jackie’s comment…Hey Sweet friend,
    This may be precious little comfort when your arms are aching for a hug & your heart is longing for someone to lavish love upon, but Jesus DOES see your devotion to Him and He cares about your loneliness. The Bible says that “man looks in the outside but God looks on the heart”…it’s true and all of us are guilty to some degree or another of focusing on the externals. But before we go getting totally indignant over this, let me remind you that GOD WIRED MEN TO BE VISUAL CREATURES. It is in their nature, more so than women, to look for a mate that is attractive to them…whatever that entails…this alone doesn’t mean they’re shallow. I’ve often said men are visual but women are blind…if you doubt me, consider how many couples you’ve seen where the gal is drop dead gorgeous & the guy is average looking. At the very least a man needs to feel that the woman is “taking care of herself” and making an effort to look good for him, making the most of what you’ve got w/o being vulgar. So skip the sleazy outfits & meet me at the gym! Even if no guy ever notices, you’ll feel better about yourself and that’s what really matters.

    As for guys preferring blondes…some men just have low standards. It takes an exceptional man to be able to handle a redhead! {I’m KIDDING, sort of.}

    Check out Isaiah 54:5…I claimed this one years ago and it sustains me. I also recommend a little book by Randy Pope called “Finding Your Million Dollar Mate, ” to help you put some things in perspective.

  4. I’ve always thought of you as an ideal woman and spiritual partner even though we have been only friends these many years. In my opinion, having the “whole package” isn’t the issue here. The issue is finding the correct partner. I think that your priorities on properly filling out the “spiritual component” on the website help to keep you from making the mistake of wasting your time with an unfit partner. The bible teaches us not to cast our pearls before swine. Any man that would value the color of a woman’s hair over the fiery radiance of a passionate believer is a pig!!!

    I’ve heard e-harmony is one of the better websites to help people with similar values find each other. As a happily married guy, blessed with a partner that is quite similar to you, I hope I never have to find out how good it is myself!!

  5. I hope I’m the lucky, oops, forgive me, the BLESSED one. How amazingly similar to my own experience. Not too many “real” Christians out there in the dating world I’ve found. And surprisingly not even many who attach the label to themselves to boot. Well, now, actually, I guess I’ve run into none! You are certainly one of God’s most precious treasures. I can’t believe I met you. I’m looking forward to getting to know you more! And it’s obvious that you’ve got a great set of caring, spiritual friends. You can’t beat that support network. Whether there’s a future with us or not, you win! PTL and God bless. (I know… I’m stepping out and taking a risk here myself, but if God’s behind it, it’s all good!- God help me if I ever reach the day where you accept me as suitable enough to introduce to these wonderful people! Game-on, Princess…

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